Scattered notes 6

Read two states once again. Add to that eleven minutes taken from Srijita. Can’t control myself from calling her and telling all those stuff like ‘I don’t want to play this just-friends game with you anymore. That guy touches you whenever he likes, and I can’t let others touch you like that. Why the hell you had to bring that guy in the middle? Can’t you see how much I feel for you? I fell in love with you from the very moment I saw you. It’s different that I chose to stay away from you because you already had a boyfriend. But then once again, one day you told me about the break-up and I really thought I would be able to get you back. And after a month or so, you bring another guy in the middle. Bloody every time I look at your face, I feel like kissing you, and you keep asking whether I have a girlfriend. You girls will never know guys’ emotion.’


But alas!! This speech is not happening.

The fact that she asked Nil to help with her studies taunted me, and in a way I got hurt the most in my life. She could have asked me to study with her. And the fact that she asked for his name a couple of times before leaves me with the suspicion that may be she is in love with him. And anyway, I am going to leave West Bengal within a couple of months, and as the ‘book’ said, I hope it will not really matter after five years. And anyway, if she does have something for me, she will come back. If she doesn’t, then maybe it was never meant for me.


I’ll have to be harsh in the upcoming days. May be even harsher than Pallabi was on me. It’s not easy. Being rude on the person you have loved is always difficult. But who said life will be easy? And anyway, I will have to search for my career first. Let’s see where my destiny leads me.

Things are really tough. I weep more often. I feel like I have a stone at my heart. I hope CAT doesn’t get affected for this.



Pallabi r katha mone porche. Amar school… clairvoyant ke je kono vabe vul proman korte chai. But sei firmness and moral character ki adou amar ache? Pleasure er jonne character e daag lagte dite raaji noi. I hope ei decision ta na change hoye jai. Really confused. Kauke Jodi pashe paoa jeto…