Scattered notes 5

I stood in front of the Golpark Library and waited for the auto to come. Rainy evening could not stop the traffic at Golpark from being at a high level. And in the midst of all those cars, buses, taxis I kept standing looking at the horizon while waiting for the auto to come. The sky was clear, and didn’t reflect the fact that it was raining just a while ago. I looked at the lamppost standing nearby and thought about the place where Srijita and I used to stop and talk for an extra half hour. And then as usual I started controlling tears in public.


I looked at the tree that was standing right at front of us. It was a literally vast, fully grown tree. Crows and other birds took shelter in it and I could count how many were there at the tree. I looked at the sky, where it was dusk. I looked at the busy Golpark which was lying dead just like another place, and then I thought of something else.


I was hurt like I never was. But I decided that life doesn’t end here. There must be many more things that are waiting for me, many of which might bring some good things with them. I must move on irrespective of my feelings for her.


While writing these lines, I ask myself, “Do you still remember what you said to yourself once about love?”

Yes. I answer. I said that there are many more things in the world that are more important than love. And in the world we live, where we have diseases that can make a person want death in each and every moment they live, where there are persons who do not have anything to eat at all, in a world where tears go in vain, there is no place for love, at least not for me.

“Then follow what you said to yourself. Remember you prayed for your father saying that you won’t want even a single more thing in the world, which included Pallabi.”

I fell silent.


Guess I’ll have to make myself busy writing stories and other things, reading books or walking in the dark.