Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The smell

A tribute to all the victims of rape and murder cases…and to the humankind who can upgrade their moral values a bit.






Here, at this part of the city, the sky turns red early, not the whole of the sky though; just the horizon where the Sun is all set to go down for the day. Above my head there are colours like blue and yellow, floating and reflecting from the clouds. And the trees slim and long, dark and mysterious from all corners of the lake place stretch their branches to experience the last sunshine of the day at the end of their leaves. The birds return to their nests in the half-light of the dusk, breaking the silence of this place with their characteristic chattering. The blue water turns into perfect black in quick time. The other side of the lake becomes blurry in the darkness of the evening. There is a cricket coaching academy on the other side and it is the time for the players to return after a long practice session. The living and the non-living become one at this time. The day does not end silently, but it brings the dark like a ghost. When all the colours of the day are jumbled, when the blue of the morning turns into the yellow of the afternoon in turn making it bleed in the west, the ghost comes out of nowhere. It enthrals the dreams and then it becomes dark. It betrays us all.


And then I get the smell.

It’s the Chhatim flowers. The whole lake place is surrounded by these trees. My wife used to love these a lot, and so did I. It was when we walked together at the lake place a long time ago…I would hold the upper branches of the trees for her and she would pick the flowers. She would place the flowers at her palm and keep taking the smell with her deep breaths. I would keep looking at her at those moments and fall in love with her again with each and every moment. We would sit on one of the benches nearby and just keep sitting there. I would hold her shoulders and she would keep her hands around my waist. We would sit there…and just keep sitting.


“Victim’s right hand was broken, as if she was trying to avoid the negotiation…was treated hard. The head has been crushed twice, once at right corner and once at back…”


Now the rain came in, soft and gentle. Just like her. Sweet Rinita. Why is that whenever I think about you, my eyes become wet? Why is that whenever I think about you, I become so lonely, so quiet and so reluctant from the world? Look at this weather. Won’t you love having a shower in the rain? Look how these trees here miss you. Won’t you be missing them again? Won’t you be missing me?

Far away…on the other side of the lake, darkness covers the field and the narrow path. The drizzle continues. I become wet. The monotonous sound of the water dropping in from the sky on the leaves takes me away from the real world…in the world of her.


“They did it thrice. And once after the death.”


Tears rolled down my eyes. Rinita. My Rinita. Did you see how pathetic I looked when I begged for your body to the police? Did you see how hopeless I felt when my tears and the blood from your body mixed and I… I tried to cleanse all the blood you had on your body with my shivering hands…only in vain? I was alone on the cremation ground Rinita, so alone.

I knelt down, and found out thousands of Chhatim flowers lying on the narrow path. I picked up a couple of them…all wet from the rain.

They reminded me of her.

“I love Chhatim flowers.”

“And I love you.”

I always believed that when people die, they turn into Chhatim flowers.

And right then I was with her.


Love, I thought. How strange can it be? How can a person love anyone who is no more related to the world? How can a person love someone who kept on writing stories without even looking at his wife for years? What makes love so strong that no other charm can take you away from the person you love?


I stood up on my feet. And started walking aimlessly towards the opposite side of the lake through the spiral road. I shivered. It was the cold and the rain. Wild bushes around the path, all wild. Just like me. Hopeless, aimless, companionless, alone. I remember once a famous writer told me that my stories exactly reflect the three words I choose to describe my characters…lonely, silent and dark. What he forgot to mention…or maybe didn’t know that the same three words represent my life too.


Fifty metres away laid a steep part of the lake marking the border between the lake place and the railways station…the steep portion would lead to the rail lines crossing the stations.

I took the shortcut and came on the lines.


It’s not only just because she is not there anymore…but it’s also because there is a chance to meet her again. Ahh!! Look how I can’t feel the cold anymore. It’s the same me who was shivering a couple of minutes ago…is warm now in the thoughts of meeting with his wife.

The distant signal turned red now.

Love, Rinita. Love.

And then the whistle came in… The passenger we used to watch sitting on the benches from the other side of the lake…the neon lights from the coupes would reflect in the water of the lake and keep our eyes fixed on the train…marked its presence for one last time.

And then I get the smell again.

Is it you? Have you come for me now? She used to hide some of the Chhatim flowers in the extreme part of her favourite ‘Pongol’ sari. I can smell those now. But these are real old ones…I will give some fresh ones to you. Will you take me with you??


In the half light of the cold December evening, I fell unconscious on the rail lines…at the place where a month ago her body was found in a pool of blood, raped and murdered brutally, tortured like an animal… in a way waiting for my own death coming towards me at a speed of hundred kilometers per hour.














-Somsubhra Banerjee
 Follow My FlickBazar.com Blog here -->  http://flickbazarindia.blogspot.in/

- Jan '11

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Result of CAT 2010

Got 87.81 %ile in CAT 2010. IIM Kozhikode 1st stage shortlisted. Will try for IFMR Chennai, Welingkar Mumbai, Praxis Kolkata, IISWBM Kolkata, KJSomaiya, BIMTECH…And lets see if I can get a call from T.A.Pai Manipal, NIRMA and FORE New Delhi.


A lot of people missed it somehow. And now that I have got another chance I would like to convert it.

I remember the day I was devastated. But I didn’t leave hope. As someone said…A person can be ripped apart in pieces, but he can’t lose.

I am honest, positive and optimistic. I have faith in God and moreover on myself. And I know God will help me surely.

I posted the same post at my wordpress blog and tonight I found out I had 94 visitors the day I posted it there. Weird world we live in. Where are these people coming from anyway?




- Jan '11

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Tomorrow is life...

Tomorrow is the result of CAT...and I am scared.

Life gave me enough chances...and now I would like to see the dream of mine fulfilled. No idea what's going to happen though.

Now when I look back at the last one and half years I find a transformation within myself...From the day I stepped into IMS and started the curriculum without even knowing where and how I was going to land...even as I draw myself closer to the last line still I am confused. I saw myself hesitant before a girl in the last one and half year, I studied, scored decent sometimes reaching 90 and above, and I scored lower than expected a couple of times, walked at the dark avenues, talked with myself, rambling and babbling within my mind and thoughts, wrote stories, wrote about happenings in my life, visited Golpark, visited SA, thought about life, dreamt about things which I shouldn't have, dreamt about things I can be proud about, loved my life, enjoyed it, hated it, got dejected, got depressed, had shocks, had happiness, had tears... and above all, lived.

But for this upcoming day...it can change the course of my life. For once again I want to pray to God. My eyes are not filled with water. but I know how much it means to me. Life is not that easy, and I want to live it. I want to fulfill my dreams by getting into one of the better b-schools in India and learn the managerial qualities. And for me, tomorrow can bring me a new life, a new reason to look at life.

I am positive about the hard work I did...and God will help me surely.


- Jan '11

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Scattered notes 17

Past never leaves us...even if we want to forget it, it comes back in a way that amazes us, and leaves us with a feeling that maybe everything in the world is controlled by our destiny.

Within the first five seconds itself I realised there was one girl present there, whom I have loved for over one and half years now, proposed and was refused within ten minutes...didn't know my love for her, irrespective of the fact that we went out together on one of the evenings in Durga Puja.

My only intent was to tell her about my feelings for her and then go away forever. She refused, and I really thought maybe this must be a happy goodbye for both of us. I wanted to stay separated because I didn't want to face her again. I wanted all my happy memories with her stay fresh, alive...and I wanted to make the parting at the evening our last meeting. But someone wanted us to meet again. And that's what we call destiny.

I hope she doesn't interact with me in the upcoming days. Because believe me or not, I am helpless, and hopelessly in love with her, and her thoughts...and one thought about her or one single voice of her makes me feel dizzy about her...don't know how am I going to sit with her, once again. After all these have happened.

CONFUSED.

Life is not that easy once you have loved someone, have decided to leave her path once she has refused you...and then you find out you two have chosen the same path. Life is difficult once again. Mind is restless. I can't ignore her, nobody can. And I know she doesn't have any expression for me. It's difficult to love a person who is emotionless. One, I had the tension of clearing the next round, now I have the burden of her memories to handle again.


GOD will help me surely.

Jan '11