...Alone again

I love her. Almost 730 days. And I don't get anything from her side. I fear, there isn't anything at all.

She writes a note called 'Reflection' :


"Everything about it is clandestine. Stripped of purity and comfort. The pulsating carnal taste of emotions. The desire to let everything go and plunge into the darkness of wrong. It takes a very long time to resurface from such a maelstrom but when you are sitting at a safe height, looking away from temptation, a flitting glint catches your eye, forcing you to look its way. And you are thrown right back into what you escaped from."


I feel she is just trying too hard to have it. I advise her to control her mind...but then again I hesitate...I am not her father, I am also not a person she would want advise from... I am just a person who is another one-sided lover of her. So, what am I doing here?


A few of my last status...found some connection and sharing here:


"Studied till 2 AM after a long time. Suddenly got motivated, don't know why.

It's quiet outside. The whole New Alipur is sleepy, and I hope the same goes for other neighbour colonies. Went to the balcony...barking of dogs and a few people sleeping on the footpath. It's just like the calmness before a storm.

Life is tough. But sometimes the best thing needs your best effort..!"
Friday at 2:04am


"On the way back from the interview, took a bus and sat at the corner. Narrowed eyes in the stormy wind as the bus pierced the bypass...talking to oneself, imagining myself to be someone else and answering back, taking down notes for an upcoming story and proving myself crazy to people for sure...

Strange people. Strange places. Strange life..!"
Sunday at 2:36pm


At the end of the day we all are human beings...and decisions can change at any moment..! Maybe I had my share of bad luck but someday I will square with my life.


Writing a story named 'June'. Hopefully people will stay in my life, atleast until it gets finished.

So dejected, and lonely. Hopefully When I say 'God will help me surely', God actually hears me saying that someday.



P.S.: 1. I cried after seeing an orphan's acting from a movie called 'Orphan'.
2. IISWBM gave me the final offer letter. Won't be joining though.


-May '11