...when Delhi met Chennai

(It's not a comedy. Rather it was a rough-work of a role-play written for one of my friends, Sourav Nath that is. I know the conversations stated below will not make you laugh, and it is not intended to do so, but just because I don't have anything lighter happening in my life right now, I am inclined to upload this piece of work, well ofcourse if and only if you can call it a 'work', that is...)



Delhi guy: Hey, can you help me out with an address?

Chennai guy: yes sure why not.

N: Oh, thank God. See I am just coming from Delhi, it's my first visit to Chennai. Can you tell me how to go to a place called, err...let's see here,(reads a piece of paper) is it Nanga..something??

S: (Takes the paper) oh, it's just Nungambakkam..!

N: Yes, that's right, Nanga..err whatever kaam (!!) it is, just tell me how to get there...

S: Oh it's easy as gulping down a bottle of water(Smiles). You see Chennai is one of the nicest places to visit.

N: err...I am afraid I have heard the other way round.

S: Yes, did you just say something?

N: Oh no no, never mind, just tell me how to get there...

S: See, take a bus to Thoraipakkam. Take another bus from Thoraipakkam to Tharamani which goes through Thiruvanmiyur. Walk from Tharamani to Madhya Kailash, take a bus from Madhya Kailash that goes to Nungambakkam. It's easy as shit.

N: (Vacant eyes. No expression)

S: Yes I know you are very much excited to visit each and every place I mentioned, and I am quite sure you are dying inside to know more about these places. (smiles broadly)...But in order to have the real feeling of...(interrupted)

N: Dude, are you kidding? How come Tamil people have such enthusiasm to even pronounce these words?

S: What? Are you debasing our culture?

N: Come on man. Why can't it be like things are in other places of India? Why do you guys have to pick up such wonderful names that are alien to people other than tamil. Man !! These words are terrible. No offense but I think Chennai sucks.

S: Well atleast people here help others to find their way out...The place where you come from, Delhi...a place of thieves and frauds. Everyone is waiting for just a chance to rob people out.

N: That's a lie. Not every single person from Delhi is like that. Can you produce a Virender Sehwag from Chennai? Huh??

S: That does not prove anything. The point is, people from Delhi think they are the heroes, and other people from any parts of India are duffers. They think they can rule wherever they go and they just can't adapt to a situation well. Like you are now, just like a fish out of water.

N: Don't argue man...people from Chennai don't know anything but to wear dhoti, eat Dhosa and sambar and what not, talk in a language that nobody but only a handful of people in India understand. Tamil..! huh. Don't tell me.

S: ...and who are you to talk about things such proudly?

N: You really want to know who I am?

S: Yes. Yes, I do.

N: I am Shahrukh Khan.

S: Never mind.

N: What?

S: I am Rajnikanth..!




PS: My friend tells me that he has got the following feedback from his institution: "Your script was good but you should have prepared well."

My rating: Lame.


-June '11